Long days, short years

Yesterday I was on a mission to clean out the spare room which has been a disgraceful mess for longer than I care to admit. I’ve done bits and pieces in 30 min bursts around the kids here and there over the last week (prompted mainly by the electrician coming and needing access to one wall which you basically couldn’t see, honestly you could barely even open the door…) but yesterday I wanted it finished. By the end of the day it was 95% done and I felt like I had achieved something, finally.

When it came time to put the kids to bed I asked Ella what her favourite part of the day was and she was quiet for a few minutes, she actually couldn’t think of one and it broke my heart. I’d been cross with them getting in my way every time I took a step in any direction, and playing with everything I tried to put away. I realised I had neglected to have any real fun with them for more than a few minutes outside playing with bubbles to break up the afternoon. The girls both didn’t get to go to a birthday party because they are sick again and we didn’t do any of the fun things I promised them we would do instead.

When Tom and Harry got home from the party and Harry went to bed, I went to my sisters house bearing tubs upon tubs of baby clothes the kids have outgrown that she might need for her baby in a few months. While sorting through some of the tiny items I was feeling a bit nostalgic about the days when my babies were actually babies and could fit into something so small. I realised once the day was coming to a close that while it’s true that the days are really long for us, they can also be really long for them, particularly when we are absent or occupied with something else. I felt like I had let her down, and I know it’s only one day and she won’t be scarred for life and someday be talking to someone about ‘the day mum cleaned the spare room’, I just wanted to remind myself that they notice when I’m there but not really there. Those tiny baby clothes reinforced for me that the years really are short and I should do more to make every day a little bit special for them x